Dear Tyler,
I know you will never have the chance to find out about this blog, but it doesn't matter. I just want to make myself remember this day and your hug.
I have been so stressed with my essays, coursework and also exams since reading week. All I do every single day now is having classes with sleepy eyes, heading for the library carrying loads of books, hurrying back home at 11pm, sitting in front of the computer for 3 more hours, going to bed even without the strength to wash up and getting up after 10 alarms in the morning again.
But, those are not the things I suffered most. Those are not the part I hate most in UK. Those do not even count compared to my 12th grade year in China. What I do feel sad about, is how lonely and how helpless I am. I disgust it when I have to go everywhere myself and eat every meal on my own.
I do miss the days when they were ringing me up at anytime during the day just to tell me a good restaurant. I miss the days when I had to go out with them even though I had a morning class the next day. I miss the days when I could joke, humiliate, punch and huddle them whenever I want. I miss the days when I could just 'rob' their food from their plate and eat it freely. I miss the days when I was dragged out of the classroom just to accompany them to the toilet. I miss the days when we could have a big meal on our way back home right before dinner at home. I miss the days when I would take the tube even though bus was quicker in order to talk with them for 10 more minutes.
But there is no 'them' here.
So there is not anything that I miss. and not things that I want either.
I can see hugs everywhere but I don't know why I can't even receive one.
Tyler, you are the first one, and for that first one I will remember you forever. That moment when you leaned backward from the corner of the building and shouted Viiiiiiiiiv. That moment when you highered up your cap and smiled. That moment when you stretched out your arms and stepped towards me.
That moment when I realized that it was a hug for me.
